Words to identify with...

Today I spent a bit perusing my own blog. Re-reading things I've written over the last 2 1/2 years. It's crazy to think that I've been blogging that long. Sheesh, where does the time go?!  My blog has gone through this random evolution and as I read it I see moments of clarity, confusion, inspiration and growth. Weird, I know. 

This week I had a convo about names and the significance of their meanings. My name, Melissa means "as sweet as a honey bee" and my middle name, Irene means "peaceful".  I think those that know me well would agree while disagreeing. hmmm, sounds contradictory, I know. 

Having a character that is described by the meaning of my names is something I aspire to. I know I'm not always sweet and peaceful. In fact last year at some point in this here blog I announced that I would be starting a new blog. And I did just that, but never got very far. I struggled with a name, because I believe names are important and I also feel this pressure to be witty and meaningful with naming stuff. I wanted something that described where I thought I was. And here's what I came up with...

Gypsytime Hullaballo

Yeah, I liked it, I still do. Here's what the words mean:

gypsy (n.)
1. A person whom chooses to travel, and does not possess permanent residence or stability. This term is often referred to anyone practicing such a lifestyle regardless of ethnicity or background.

hullabaloo (n.)
1. An uproar or fuss.
2. Something that seems to be of great importance or a big deal that is perhaps unnecessary.
3. A state of action, loud, exciting, trouble and often chaotic.

As I rewind and read my posts I see things that I thought were of great importance that have fallen away. I read about loud, exciting chaotic experiences and I see the randomness that has been my learning curve. And all of a sudden I'm thankful for the gypsy like process. The restlessness of my heart and the many desires that pull at me. I'm beginning to see that I need to focus on fully understanding what the randomness looks like as a whole. I think that the desires of our heart are not at all random. And that's the sweet thing, that we were created with a unique set of things that as a whole work to bring Him glory in the way He desires for each of our lives! 

I know it's nothing new, nothing profound, I've just been reminded of it lately. I got to talk with one of my best friends last night. I say "got to" because she is far, far away and it does not happen anywhere near as often as we'd like.  We talked a lot about waiting. I told her that I felt as though I was waiting "again" and she told me that she feels like I'm "still" waiting. I think she's right, the last couple years make up a whole lot of waiting and I see a pattern. Maybe it's not so random as I am quick to label it. And I feel this heaviness to hone in on what has captured my passion in the past, things my heart aches about and how to make that my focus on a daily, continual basis. I get sidetracked by the fear of what some may think my intensions are. I'm so eager to get started, to run ahead, to seek for what I'm suppose to be doing that I don't often listen quietly, sweetly. 

So here's where it needs to start, the changing of names, the adopting of different meanings. From "gypsy", not in the physical sense but in my mindset to "sweet" - focused, intensional. And from "hullaballo" - loud, excitement for excitement's sake to "peaceful" - secure, open and quiet. 

Here's where I must say a huge "thank you" to those in my life who journey with me. Who understand and listen to my heart. You know who you are and you are God's gifts to me. You are living the meanings of your names...brave, sweet, one who thrives, gift of God, princess and bright.