I'm an idiot...obviously.

I like maps really I do, I pride myself in being good with maps and directions, knowing my north, south, east and west wherever I am. Never East Shredded Wheat is a phrase to live by. I'm not that go by landmarks girly-girl. I like to know "turn right, south of blah, blah, blah". Basically you could call me a human compass (although this nickname has never been tested by an unexpected wilderness adventure where I am forced to rely on my skills for survival).


Anywho. This really doesn't have to do with maps, as much as it has to do with my lack of attention to my school work in my younger days. And, therefore my lack of knowledge now about the things on these maps that I have stared at all my life. In fact, in elementary school maps were everywhere. We even had one painted on the concrete slab on the playground. I never really saw anyone play with it, and we never used it in any sort of educational activity but it was there. Sort of worn looking, reminding us to be proud Americans with Alaska and Hawaii floating out there mysteriously both south of California, grossly out of proportion to the rest of the masterpiece. I vaguely remember learning some song to help us memorize the state capitals and all the conversation about how the size of a city does not automatically make it the capital; i.e. Seattle in our 3rd grade minds was the obvious choice for Washington, but no...Olympia. Olympia is where it's at!

One thing I have no memory of is learning the abbreviations for each state. Sure, they were printed on probably more than half of the maps we used in elementary school but we never addressed it. Or, I was too busy playing M.A.S.H or contemplating my tetherball strategy for our next recess during this crucial instruction time. What I do remember is that some of them are tricky. You know like Colorado and Connecticut, both start with CO, how did Colorado come out the winner on that one? And Georgia, there is no GE but it can't be that easy, let's make it GA just to throw 'em off.

So I'm at work today working on some billing. I call an insurance company in Nebraska to get their mailing address. The oh so sweet lady on the other end of the phone, across the map, in Nebraska gives me the address and I ask, "That's NE, right?".

Insurance Lady: "obviously."

Me(being the cheerful phone-talker that I am): "Great, I always get confused. I mean, it could be NA. Just checkin'."

Insurance Lady: "Where are you calling from?"

Me(now not so cheerful voiced): "Oregon."

Insurance Lady(Mrs. High and Mighty, I paid better attention than you in school): "Oh, Orea-gone. That's OR"

Let me just tell you it took everything in me not to correct her pronunciation.

She didn't care.

She's confident in her abbreviation skills...she wins.